New Retro Fashion SWAT!
Dr. Thorpe: People often like to spice up their fashion sense by revisiting old styles and adopting retro looks. Some old styles, however, must not be revisited. They must be locked away in a box called "never again" and protected by armed, half-insane guards. We are those guards. We are Fashion SWAT.
Zack: Without us you might find yourself at a thrift shop seriously considering whether or not you should buy that paisley rayon shirt. This is no laughing matter. Would you handle radioactive isotopes? Would you juggle razorblades? When you toy with the dark side of retro fashion you're taking you're very life into your hands. This is dangerous stuff that should be left to the professionals. You're welcome in advance.
Dr. Thorpe: Due to the overwhelming boringness of talking about fashion, I'm sure you'll forgive us if we occasionally ramble on for several pages without actually mentioning clothes. You see, sometimes the only way to talk about clothes is to not talk about clothes, you dig?
Remember, if any of these clothes cause vomiting, do not induce further vomiting, see a doctor immediately! (However, if you start vomiting from laughter, I can't help you there.)