Tuesday, February 14, 2006

The Top Ten Things Dick Cheney Said After the Shooting

Okay, Mr. Whittington is apparently feeling better after his heart attack this morning, so we can get back to the humorous aspects of this thing.

Top Ten List: Be Wewy, wewy, quiet...

Poor Vice President Cheney. I can understand all of his pent up frustration. I strongly recommend that we invade another country immediately – otherwise, Dick’s going to start running out of friends.

As you know, on Saturday, the Vice President was out hunting with a small group. One of the party members, Harry Whittington, a lawyer from Texas, was accidentally shot by the VP.

Fortunately, because of his heart condition, the VP travels with a doctor, a nurse, and an ambulance. This was good news for Mr. Whittington. I remember that Bill Clinton used to travel with his own necessary supplies: a Barry White CD, a bottle of wine, and a French Maid Outfit.

With all of the press coverage – we have to ask ourselves – What Exactly Did Mr. Cheney Say when he realized he shot somebody in his hunting party.

The Top Ten Things Dick Cheney Said After the Shooting

10. Are you SURE it’s not lawyer season?

9. Ha – that’ll teach you to stop chasing my ambulance.

8. I nicked him. Do I still get a prize?

7. Okay, guys. Hold him down and check him for WMDs.

6. Walk it off, you wimp.

5. One more try – this time I’ll give you a head start.

4. Didn’t you say you wanted to be an embedded lawyer?

3. It’s an emergency! We better call FEMA.

2. Sure I missed him. But look at my shot grouping.

And the number one thing Dick Cheney said when he accidentally shot somebody while hunting…

1. Hey, if he dies – do I get to become president?

Way funnier than Letterman.

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