Need something to make you laugh your guts out?

Fashion SWAT from Something Awful:

Dr. Thorpe: He looks like some sort of messianic business figure, like maybe a guy who businesses have flown in specially to teach weird seminars. He shows up in his powder blue suit with his outrageous recluse beard and hippie poncho, and starts spouting near-incomprehensible quasi-religious business rhetoric. "In the world of business, the world of ANGELS and DEMONS, you must remain true to the PATH OF DOOM"

Zack: He has charts and graphs where one axis is Greek letters and the other is years on the Chinese calendar.

Dr. Thorpe: And when he's finished with one chart, he touches it with his pinky and it bursts into flames.

Zack: After his speech he holds a Q&A session where you have to begin each sentence with a word "that pleases his senses" and if you fail then you are condemned to "eternity outside the light". Which means no bagels at the bruncheon.

Dr. Thorpe: If someone asks a really good question, he says "You are like a child. Your beauty makes me weep." And then he hides his face in his beard and sobs for half an hour, overcome by emotions too overwhelming for sane people to understand.

Much, much more (warning: including naughty bits) here (HT: TJIC via Relapsed Catholic).