It's officially Mark Steyn's funniest AND most depressing column ever . . .

"God, I can't go on. I'd rather watch Mia Farrow making out with Mickey Rooney to a Doobie Brothers LP."

(He also notes that the leaked Baker Commission recommendations sound like "an admirably hard-headed confirmation of James Baker's most celebrated soundbite on the Middle East 'peace process': 'F--k the Jews. They didn't vote for us anyway.'")